CATS KILL

The adventures of a man who likes dogs. And lives with t̶h̶r̶e̶e̶ two cats.

Whatever happens in Vegas stays in… WHAT?

what happens in Vegas stays in the woods

Let’s put it this way: “The only constant thing is change.”

See you on the other side.

Pet Cemetery

Conejo

Just when some of you boys and girls thought “Ah, Catskilled’s dead, hah hah!”, and “Another funny blog down the drain. Welcome end of good, clean family entertainment!”, Tomcat raised the stakes. With easter around the corner he presents his first season-based killing: voilà, le lapin!

If it was up to me to make wise propositions to all you young, cuddly animals out there: be afraid! Be very afraid!

Cheerio! Have a good one, your humble author. Ba dam tsss!

2wo Years of Bloodshed

212 Jahre CS

Well, boys and girls, with all our rock icons dropping like flies (and our daily creative abomination of colorful terrorist groups around the world), we mustn’t forget about the little ones. True, yeah, due to the snow there haven’t been too many casualties lately. Old lazy fuck Tomcat has turned in to a fat furball and Sister O. is usually inside anyways. But nevertheless here is her artwork to mark our anniversary: “Dork on Cork”.

The World Is A Silent Place Now

These Boots

Well, boys and girls, tomorrow we’ll shut the door of 2015 and open the gates for a sparkling New Year. BLING! As far as your humble author is concerned he’ll slam the door and hammer in nails to make sure that stinker of a year stays put forever.

This post is dedicated to the man: Ian Fraser Kilmister, 1945 – 2015.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Hammer Horror

I know how you feel: caged. Christmas? Fine. Holidays? Good. Another lazy Sunday?

“I have to get out!”

People want to spend the money they received. Exchange the thoughtful gifts of their loving relatives for something real like “Fallout 4”.

And one has to prepare for New Years’s Eve, for christ’s sake!

“Cheer up! And use more colors…!”

The Bilch

Most of my friends love fantasy. Expecially the story about that elderly dude with his very, very young wife. Very young virgin to be precise (yes, us old dudes share the same grin here: SHARK!). Very young virgin who is pregnant. But elderly dude is fine with that because she will give birth to the Son of God. Who himself will be humble and forceful, he will work miracles and spread love, but will be betrayed and finally killed. Just to rise again three days after. Which technically also makes him the First Zombie. His wrongly presumed birthday is what my friends and me celebrate every year.

But whenever I dare to mention that there’s billions and billions of stars out there, with billions of planets, and if only one millionth of these planets were inhabitable there literally must be millions of other worlds carrying intelligent life (pretending that our way of life deserves the verb)…

Whatever, here’s your dead rodent and Merry Christmas everyone!

“Good to see you! You wouldn’t believe what I have to tell you…”

4th candle

Some of you might miss pictures of the bloody corpses that are Tomcat’s trademark. This is because there are none.

We found out that TC still roams his old hunting grounds. And delivers the gory results now directly to the new tenant of the place we used to live in. That guy (though a photographer) definitely has got less interest in picturing the feline mayhem than your humble author.  He nearly puked when he found that still steaming hedgehog. Well, parts of it. All over his studio.

I promised him to tell Tomcat to NEVER DO IT AGAIN, BAD BOY!

Yeah right, and no TV for three days.

“Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!”

Nice Mess

Fourty years ago today Saint Laurel & Saint Hardy charted at No. 2 in the UK: “The Trail of The Lonesome Pine”. And just in case you needed some more useless trivia: right between “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “I Believe in Father Christmas”. One turned into a classic rock-anthem, the other is played whenever cheesy Wham! are too cheesy and Chris Rea and Jona Lewie Were already on.

So AT & The Gang cracked the Enigma over 70 years ago and you still don’t understand a word?

Bletchley Benchmark

Fernwahrnehmung. Gedankenkontrolle. Telekinese. Frag deine Scheißkatze, wer das erfunden hat.

Schönen dritten Advent 🙂

A long time ago in a catlaxy far, far away…

Space Invader

“Haha, earthly weakling!”

Lord Commander Ratso from Planet Rodenta laughed grimly.

“We’ll invade your planet and make it ours!”

“Well, hello!”, smiled SOI8U.